


Indispensable

by Im_The_Doctor (Bofur1)



Category: Video Blogging RPF, Youtube RPF
Genre: Abuse of Authority, Addiction, Aftermath, Angst and Feels, Backstory, Bitterness, Drug Addiction, Drug Withdrawal, Emotional Hurt, Family Issues, Guilt, Lies, Loss of Trust, Mid-Canon, Painkillers, Recovery, Self-Hatred, Sweat, Vomiting, Whump, Withdrawal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2021-01-26 15:15:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21376204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bofur1/pseuds/Im_The_Doctor
Summary: Henrik is devastated over his wife and children leaving him. Instead of being there to support him through his grief, Jackie foolishly decides to "give him space" and not consult him for his injuries, treatments...or pill dosages.He develops an addiction.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 28





	1. Chapter 1

Jackieboy…hated this. He hated everything about this, the sensations, the deep, aching, thrashing burn of need in his blood, and his _weakness_. He was strong enough to support falling buildings, but he wasn’t strong enough to ignore the calling of those innocent little pills. How could he have done this to himself?

He hated this, but being away from the pills for too long hurt more than he cared to say. _It’s under control!_ the frantic part of his brain tried to rationalize. _It’s not like I’m taking them with every meal or anything. It’s only when I’m in pain_. But how often was his body really hurting? How often was it that he imagined a phantom pain from old wounds on a rainy day and said to himself that it was just to take the edge off?

Marvin, keen-eyed as he was, had noticed fairly early on. “Didn’t you just take some of that an hour ago?” he questioned as Jackieboy swallowed them with some soda. “Pretty sure you’re supposed to wait two to four hours before you take more, right?”

“Marv, it’s really bad right now,” Jackie hissed, looking up to him with a pleading grimace. “My body’s different. I can take it.”

Marvin had stayed silent for another beat or two, studying him intently, and then he’d blown it off, shifting sideways in a half-shrug. “You should at least tell Schneep.”

“No!” Perhaps he’d been too hasty to blurt that out, judging by the creased expression that passed over Marvin’s face. Pursing his lips, the hero shook his head forcefully. “No. Henrik’s got more than enough to deal with right now.”

Even now, there was no sound coming from the lab. Jackie’s heart wrenched into knots at the thought of his friend curled up on his cot, cold and lonely, muffling his cries for his wife in his lumpy pillow—but he wouldn’t go to see him. He didn’t want to intrude on him and his grief, not even when he probably should. Having a distraction, treating Jackie’s injuries, would probably have been good for him, but if Jackie was honest, he didn’t want to risk it. Henrik had been put on administrative leave at the hospital, which meant he clearly wasn’t in a good mindset to perform his job.

Jackieboy wasn’t either. He _hated_ this. He hated his compulsion. After every mission, he dodged reporters, his only thought pinned on home—on the medication he could take that was waiting for him there. It was like a rat gnawing at every inch of skin until he gave up, lost the battle and took those pills. It was fine. It was for pain. He took the entire city’s pain on himself every single day. Didn’t he deserve a little _relief?_ A little _reward?_

Swallowing was becoming as reflexive as blinking. The pills stowed sneakily away in his pack that he carried on patrol; there was no one to nag at him there. Oh, Marvin was starting to _nag_. He was grating on him like claws on a chalkboard, trying to get Jackie’s hackles up about the painkillers whenever he was around. He said they were just “worried,” but Jackie could see right through that. He wanted to wean him off of them, like he was a child who needed guidance, but Marvin wasn’t his mother. Marvin was his younger brother. As _his _authority, Jackieboy would do what he wanted—what he needed—and there wasn’t anything Marvin could do about it. And why had Marvin said _they_ were worried? It wasn’t like Henrik was around right now.

Once, when he drew out the bottle and heard how few pills there were rattling around in there, Jackieboy felt tears stinging hotly as they seeped into his mask. Tears…Tears of desperation, of panic, of dread. What would he do when they ran out? No, it would be okay, of course it would. It wasn’t as if any drugstore would _refuse_ him, knowing how hard he worked to keep them safe.

How…How had it come to this? As he poured three pills into his palm, Jackieboy stared at them, biting back a harsh sob deep in his chest. Shame swept over him. But he still tipped his head back and took them.


	2. Chapter 2

Recovering from the addiction felt worse than being addicted.

Every inch of Jackie’s body ached as he hugged the toilet, sweat and vomit beading down his face into his beard. The mere fact that he’d sprinted all the way here before his stomach ended up on his bedroom floor was a miracle, considering the dizziness and sleeplessness that had possessed him these past…How long had it been now? Every day was a blur, one more spin around the same ride. He could only hope Henrik kept a more conclusive chart than he did.

Shivering against the cold air drifting from the overhead vent, he inhaled the stench from the toilet bowl and held it, biting down against his gag reflex. In the silence he could hear his temples pounding. They kept it up all day, all night, like a drum solo that never ended, and the strictly regimented pills he received were just barely enough to assuage it. The cost of progress.

Frustration and anger cramped his chest with nowhere to go as he struggled to maintain the hold over his lungs. Could anyone truly call this _progress?_ Why did this have to be so hard when getting addicted had been so easy?

He was meant to be a stronghold for his city and his family, a protective force that wouldn’t—_couldn’t_ be shaken until his work was done.

The air burst from his lips in a feeble gasp, not quite a laugh, almost a sob. His gag reflex quieted, leaving his throat raw and tight. Drained, he leaned his heavy head against the toilet rim. He was empty as the nearby bathroom cupboard, his pack, his stashes, and there was a combination lock on each of Henrik’s cabinets now.

In all honesty, none of them mattered. Jackie had the strength to tear them all off without a second thought; Henrik had to be well aware of that, but every one was a test of his trust. One broken lock would break Henrik’s heart, and hadn’t he done enough of that already? Not to mention what might happen if Marvin found out.

The tremors trailing through Jackie’s body shook him with more noticeable force. He and Marvin were not on good terms; he didn’t want to think about how much trust had been lost there. To Marvin it didn’t matter if Jackie was _trying_ to get better. He probably wouldn’t forgive him until he was completely clean again. Marvin had been forced to take over his role as leader and protector, pouring into Henrik and now the newborn.

The newborn. Chase Brody. Did he have any idea how much they had to thank him for already? It was his innocence that made Jackie even consider weaning off. He was _ashamed_ to be in front of him like this—which was probably why he jumped when he heard his voice from the bathroom doorway, young and uncertain.

“Jackieboy? You okay?”

Cheeks burning, Jackie turned his head, trying not to look him in the eye. What was he going to say? What _could _he say?

“No…” he rasped faintly. “Not yet.”

And that was all it took. Chase’s eyes lit up with concern for this man, this _supposed_ hero, who he barely knew, and he came to a decisive nod. “I’ll get you some water.”

If that didn’t make his heart turn and his vision blur, Jackie wasn’t sure what could. Chase was a chance for a clean slate, someone he hadn’t screwed up with yet. He had a feeling that was exactly who Jack meant him to be.


End file.
